To My Unhappy People,
Is anyone else sick of hearing people preaching about Zen and happiness and you’re sitting there just sad as shit. I bet you're thinking, “Why am I such a miserable person? Why am I not as accomplished as so and so? Why can't I do what they do?”. Well, it’s just that, you’re choosing to be an absolute nightmare in your own life. At some point in time you have given up and are no longer aware of it; because it is your new normal. A lot of us will experience this early on or even throughout life. We walk through life as zombies - going through the motions. We get up in the morning, we go to jobs we probably hate, we give our time to people who are beneath us, we watch the same show for the millionth time, we consume the same dinner every night, we fight with our trash boyfriends/girlfriends, we say we'll do better tomorrow, we don't, we always have the same problems within ourselves we never fix - rinse and repeat.
Let me ask you this. Why haven't you made it a choice to be happy? Think about it, get back to me.
It's a wild ride, life - we experience some of the most emotional and trying times in our 20s. I think my 20s have been the worst, hands down. You, not only, have to figure out who the hell you are but also try to live a life that makes you feel somewhat fulfilled — while also being financially stable, and trying your best to navigate through the ups and downs. I can honestly say I feel like I have lived 10 different lifetimes, and I have loved and hated every minute of it. I feel like I was reborn again so many times over that I don't even recognize myself, but in the best way possible. I think it's because I have proven to myself time and time again that I CAN rise from the ashes. I can be knocked down several pegs and look up from the bottom ready to climb again. It’s humbling. It’s a choice to keep going, even when you don't want to. It will always be your choice.
I know some are probably reading this ready to say, "You don't know my life. You haven't walked a day in my shoes. My struggles are far too great. My problems aren't that simple."
I don't. I won't. Maybe they are. Are they though?
Because you wouldn't have clicked on this unless you were 1. Curious or 2. Unhappy.
You think all these people on social media are just “happy” by chance; they live this wonderful life and you feel like everything is just passing by you. They aren’t that happy, nobody is. Everyone has been through some shit, every single person, and some people just don't see a reason in letting it control every aspect of their life. I used to let the world around me do that. I fell victim to my circumstances. But I promise that you are not broken, your brain is just not fully aware of all the possibilities. Once you stop comparing yourself to others you open up a whole world where it's just you vs. you. That’s the only person you have to compete with.
And you don’t just wake up one day happy — you need to really allow yourself the head space to figure out what it is that is making you so unbelievably mad at the world. I knew, for me, when I wasn’t happy it was because I wasn’t in school to better myself. I was working at a dead-end job making shit money. I was in a relationship that drained every ounce of my happiness, finances, and provided no emotional security. I was in debt that seemed like a mountain. I allowed people in my life that were takers and not givers, leaving me empty. I gained a lot of weight. I allowed it. I allowed ALL of it and I chose all those things for myself. Until I didn't. You physically, mentally, and emotionally cannot create things from the bottom of a hole. You can’t sit there and wonder, “When is someone going to come save me? When is it going to get better?”. You have to start climbing out of it, and you need to just do it — one step at a time. Save yourself.
So, I got fed the fuck up, I started from scratch. I completely threw away the whole plan I imagined for my life, the timelines, the “unrealistic goals”, and an abundance of people who were dead weight. I had to be honest with myself. I had to look within and tell myself, “You can do better than this”. I didn’t look at my life as a whole but as a step by step process and I tackled one thing at a time. Over many years. So, I went back to school and not only did I fully immerse myself in full time classes - I changed my major 4 times. Now I'll be graduating at the end of this year with my bachelors. I got a new job where I make good money, I love the people I work with, and soon I will be able to really put my career goals in motion. I ended a relationship that served no purpose in my life. I finally started to save money and paid off debt by budgeting. I started working out, and while it hasn’t been perfect, I've lost 15lbs and counting. And finally, I threw away all my trash relationships in general full of people who I did not see any future with; I unfollowed, blocked, deleted. No need to check up on trash people, they are in the past for a reason. I sleep fine at night and I intend on keeping it that way.
These are all things I decided to change, these were things I saw negativity and anxiety in. This was not an overnight, by chance, luck of the draw experience — this is how I wanted my life. I never told myself I needed to do all these things. I didn't put pressure on myself to do all of this at once. It was a long period of self-reflecting and being real with myself. Slowly filtering out things that no longer brought me peace. And one by one it was easier to get to the next goal. That’s life though, you should always be evolving.
Think about life this way… you’re driving your car and realize you’re lost in the dark; your GPS doesn't work and nothing looks familiar:
Do you just pull over and cry and give up? (You living your miserable life)
OR
Do you turn around and decide to drive until you find your way again? You may still cry the whole way but eventually you'll reach your desired destination. (Being a badass who's okay to fail until they succeed)
Honestly, it’s scary for us as human beings to be honest with ourselves when we're not happy, or when we're “missing the mark”. It’s easy to see other people and just think they embody pure happiness and you were somehow born broken. No - believe it or not they strive for that every day and if you want it bad enough it’s right there in your reach. You just need to really want it. It took me years to realize I’m the one who's in the driver seat and it’s such a beautiful and empowering thing to be able to come to that realization. I may never be in that same hole I was in before, but if I ever lose my grip and fall down again, I know I can get back up. You have to learn how to save yourself.
When all these life changes were happening to me at different times, I never realized the impact it would all have on my life as a whole. I didn’t know that I was subconsciously controlling my destiny and filtering out the bad so I could take in all the good. Want to know how I feel now? Well, I hold my head up higher, my voice is louder — but with purpose, I can take criticism (most times) without being defensive, I can acknowledge when I’m wrong and want to fix any given situation, I’m way more empathetic, I feel lighter and more carefree, I'm open to new possibilities and experiences, I’m happy. I'm the happiest I have ever been. And it’s because I decided to take the first step.
I’m nowhere near perfect but the girl I was will never compare to the woman I am. That is growth. It’s a choice. Things happen and sometimes we can't control circumstances; some of the shittiest things happen to us. But are we going to let it define us and just give up? Fuck no. You're the driver, you always were, you have the controls, and you need to choose which way you want to go. Stop with the victim mentality, stop letting the world just “happen” to you, stop letting people around you bog you down with their opinions and negativity. Stop choosing to be sad, and when you are sad please feel it, then afterwards choose to be happy. Don’t stay in the hole of misery. You can’t create in dark spaces — but you can grow from them.
Let’s start putting our good vibes into the universe even when we don’t want to (still learning this) because you deserve to be happy you just have to believe it.
From One Former Sad Girl To A Current Sad Girl,
xoxo
Carissa
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