Hi 2020,
I know I said my next post would be on Sunday, well, I kind of lied. Still posting every Sunday but I think some weeks I might throw in these extra posts. Whenever I have an idea in my head or multiple ideas, I have to write them down or they're gone. My mind is constantly racing that's probably why I will be getting my Bachelors degree when I turn 28 this year, I just can't seem to decide what to focus on; too many ideas.
Next Sunday is going to be all things makeup.
So feel free to comment down below and let me know what things you need help with in your makeup routine, products you love, suggestions for products, anything really. Also, follow me on my Instagram, "_carissapaige" my IG is connected to the icon in the menu and at the bottom of the page, as well as my FB.
ANYWAY - It’s been a week since the new year started and I have to say I haven’t made any solid moves. I think sometimes we wake up on the morning of January 1st with the intention of starting out a new year, with a blank slate, then we come to the realization that the blank slate is horse shit. We're still the same hot-messes that existed in 2019 and the, "New Year, New Me" phase fizzles out pretty quickly.
Every year I make stupid, unobtainable goals, personal goals, financial goals, fitness goals, career goals... the list goes on; but I either morph my goals completely, or I don't even complete what I have set out to accomplish. It’s because it’s not a priority, honestly. It's because we don't care as much as we claim that we do. As soon as we speak it into the universe we fall short or think, "Why does it even matter?".
But you know what? Knock it off. I NEED to knock it off. You NEED to knock it off.
A little reality check:
If I wanted to lose weight, I would go to the gym and stop making excuses... "I have a bellyache" "I have a headache" "My body hurts" "I have a cough". I should also stop stuffing my face thinking it's justified because I had a bad day. Like grow up, Carissa. So, because someone pissed you off you're like, "UGH, rough day, time to stuff my face for some comfort..." Why? So that I can hate myself for eating it, feel even worse about skipping the gym, and then that person who had just pissed me off? Well, they just essentially won. Now I'm bloated, calorie filled, and pissed at nobody... but my f*cking self.
If I wanted to be a better, more compassionate person, I would just act like it and stop treating people like they're not important, when in reality they're everything to me. Making time for people who matter is crucial but if I really don't have the time, I need to reach out. I'm not perfect though with this, I fall short - but baby steps.
If I wanted a better career (I need to calm down because I have one year left of school). I would set some attainable goals, get an internship that would suit my goals, and build my foundation. Instead of waiting for success, I have to go out and demand it. I have to believe in my skill set even when I feel like I'm shit at it, and I need to be open enough to take constructive criticism, and grow from past experiences.
If I wanted to save money... I would make it point to make food at home, stay away from a drive thru and have some sort of self-control. Why am I going to waste my time and money on Dunkin' Donuts? So they can successfully, yet again, give me the shittiest burnt coffee I've ever consumed in my lifetime. My ass will heat up some water, throw a teabag in it, and call it a f*cking day.
If I wanted to travel... I would set a date and runaway from everyone and all my problems. Kidding. But, If nobody else wants to go, I'm going to go anyway! Why wait to see this beautiful planet when to other people it's not important.
Do what you want, plan for it, and seek it.
But you get the picture. If I wanted any of these goals accomplished and promises to myself kept, I‘d just do it.
So, this year, I’m not calling them resolutions - they‘re going to be promises to myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know a resolution is essentially a promise, by definition. But these are going to be ones I'm yelling into the universe, writing them down, and checking them off as I go - I want to live by and really DO and not just TRY.
Is this the year you finally say, enough is enough? It's sad, it makes me sad, I'm sure it makes you all sad. Why not start checking the boxes off one by one and actually do the things you said you'd do? I think lying to yourself is such a disservice to your mental health and enables you to be small in this world. You can't improve as a human being if you don't push yourself out of your comfort zone, that's just what it is.
The end of the year for me is a time to reflect on my achievements and look at my "misfortunes" or shortcomings. Take those moments in my life and then apply them to my future as lessons learned. There are a lot of things I f*cked up this year but I'm not going to dwell on it. Instead I'm going to take some advice from my sister, Jenna, "Put my big girl pants on and just get it done."
Some advice from a fellow hot-mess, the first week or so of 2020 is a trial - just make it a point to write down, physically, how this year disappointed you, things you did to make them disappointing. And change those shortcomings into promises; turn the negative into a positive. If you know me in real life I am a pessimistic ass person, so that's another deeper goal of mine - positivity. Maybe you lost your temper a lot this year - make it a point to breathe, think, and then react. Maybe you didn't do your best in school - make it a priority to do better, put in the time and effort to make yourself proud.
Almost all goals start because we are unhappy with something or we are not comfortable or we are not proud.
My 2020 promises to myself are to:
- Travel; at least once out of the country.
- Change my mind, body, and soul.
- Volunteer.
- Start the healing process from past traumas.
- Talk to people, stop bottling everything up.
- Be a kinder person, and stop letting other people affect me so much by their actions.
- Save some money, honeyyy.
Let’s stop making fake resolutions to ourselves that we don't care about, and start making real promises to ourselves. Not just because it’s 2020, but because we just really need a reason to change.
Let's be better humans, myself included.
See ya Sunday,
xoxo
Carissa
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